This week, Michael Jordan will be inducted into the Basketball Hall of Fame. He will always be remembered for his many accomplishments and record-breaking achievements in the sport. However, as President Obama prepares to put on a full-court press for health care reform in a speech to Congress tonight, he needs only to look back at one performance from "His Airness" to gain inspiration.
Twelve years ago, in the NBA Finals, Michael Jordan was going to lose. Sick with the flu, he could barely walk, and his aura of invincibility had been shattered in the eyes of the American public. Mike was going to finally relinquish one of his many titles and Karl Malone was going to get the championship that we all now know he never received.
But Mike was Mike, and Karl wasn't. Mike found a way to win and Karl Malone found a way to become "posterized" as yet another footnote in the astonishing legacy of the great Michael Jordan. Every great man or woman has an opportunity to build his or her legend, and it comes during the most trying of times. It is how we respond to these moments that make the difference between becoming Michael Jordan or just another Charles Barkley.
Recently, New York Knick’s basketball player, Eddy Curry, a married father of several kids, received notice of a sexual-harassment lawsuit by his former limo driver, Kuchinsky. Kuchinsky is alleging that Curry tried to solicit gay sexual activity from him while working as a 24/7 chauffer for the NBA hoop star and his family.[1] With the national press coverage of this story, I am reminded of the movie,Cover, which explored the current situation that appears to be facing many black families. Cover is a film about a devoted, churchgoing wife, and mother whose faith is shattered when she discovers that her husband is living a secret double life.[2] Also, there is a 30-minute internet movie, Results, which tackles the same type of betrayal and shows how the couple tackles it in the span of one night.[3] So, as it relates to married men who happen to cheat on their spouse on thedown low, I ask, what’s love got to do with it? I understand the question is paying tribute to the hit single by Tina Turner. However, I think people should explore the reasons why married men choose to cheat on the down low and should a wife, who takes a vow of fidelity with her husband, continue in the relationship after discovering the betrayal.
People might ask why a lawyer would write an article on a social topic such as married men who cheat on the down low. Well, a lawyer is considered an attorney and counselor at law. When a wife chooses to get a divorce due to infidelity from their husbands cheating on the down low, it is important for lawyers to understand the origin of the relationship and what caused the heartache to their client so that they can effectively provide legal advice and counseling for their client. In a majority of states, infidelity is just one factor in how marital property is divided between former married couples. Even though a wife might want her husband, who cheated on the down low, to get nothing and pay dearly for the betrayal, the courts in a majority of states will not find fault (e.g. infidelity) a determining factor in the division of marital property. Therefore, it behooves the lawyer to try other methods of counseling to explain the law to jilted married clients.
This article will analyze the meaning of love, the reasons why people get married, and what actions people should take to minimize the potential of being married to men who cheat on the down low.
Meaning of Love
Love has many meanings. Webster dictionary defines Love as a strong affection for another arising out of kinship or personal ties (e.g. maternal love for a child).[4] Also, love is an attraction based on sexual desires (e.g. affection and tenderness felt by lovers).[5] Love is also an affection based on admiration, benevolence, or common interests (e.g. love for old schoolmates).[6] Also, love is a warm attachment, enthusiasm, or devotion (e.g. love of the sea).[7] Love can also be used as a term of endearment.[8] Love is also the unselfish loyal and benevolent concern for the good of another.[9] Love is a sexual embrace.[10] In all, love embraces a form that is erotic, romantic, familial, platonic, and religious.
Similar to Webster dictionary, Christianity embraces four forms of love: Agapē, Philia, Eros, and Storge.[11] Agapē means charitable, selfless, altruistic, and unconditional.[12] It is parental love seen as creating goodness in the world.[13] It is the way God is seen to love humanity and it is seen as the kind of love that Christians aspire to have for others.[14] Philia is defined as the human response to something that is found to be delightful.[15] Also, it is known as "brotherly love".[16] Eros is defined as sexual love.[17] Storge is defined as the needy child-to-parent love.[18]
One thing that is fascinating is the explanation of what Eros is. Eros is a very passionate love, with sensual desire and longing.[19] In the classical world, the phenomenon of love was generally understood as a kind of madness or, as the Greeks put it, theia mania ("madness from the gods").[20] This love passion is best illustrated by a scheme involving “love arrows” or “love darts.”[21] The source of the arrows is said to be the image of the beautiful love object itself.[22] If the arrows arrive at the lover’s eyes, they would then travel to and ‘pierce’ and ‘wound’ his or her heart and overwhelm him/her with desire and longing.[23] This creates an image of an “arrow’s wound” where an oxymoron of pleasure and pain is created.[24]
As illustrated above, love has different meanings. Saying “I love you” to a person can mean a variety of things. The issue for married couples who are dealing with husbands who cheat on the down low isnot whether they love their wives. The issue is what type of love does husbands who cheat on the down low have for their wives. In my opinion, this is the heart of the conflict that exists between married couples who have husbands who cheat on the down low. Next, it is important to understand why people marry.
Why People Marry
Marriage is a social, religious, spiritual or legal union of individuals.[25] People marry for many reasons, but usually they marry for one or more of the following reasons:[26] · legal, social, and economic stability; · the formation of a family unit; · procreation and the education and nurturing of children; · legitimizing sexual relations; · public declaration of love; or · to obtain citizenship
In almost all Protestant forms of Christianity, they hold marriage to be ordained by God for the union between a man and a woman.[27]They see the primary purpose of this union to be to glorify God by demonstrating his love to the world.[28] Other secondary purposes of marriage include intimate companionship, rearing children and mutual support for both husband and wife to fulfill their life callings.[29]
Like love, people marry for a variety of reasons. What is extremely interesting is that when protestant Christians marry their primary purpose is for the union to glorify God. One example of the betrayal for protestant Christians is when married men cheat on the down low. This action is not one that glorifies God especially when the bible states that men (or women) who practice homosexuality will not inherit the kingdom of God.[30] So, the conflict exists and men and women need to be aware of who their partners are before entering into marriage.
The Reality of the Conflict of Down Low Activity with Marriage
Some married men who cheat on the down low believe that down low activity is similar when men cheat with other women. I beg to differ. As these movies illustrate, a woman cannot compete with a man sexually. Women and men are not equal in physical form. Men and women have different sexual features and different purposes of use for these features. I equate the differences between men and women similar to placing pieces of a jigsaw puzzle together. Do like parts unite or do opposite pieces fit together?
If a married man cheats on the down low, they have a sexual attraction for another man. Sorry ladies. Physically, there is nothing you can do, except do a sex change, to sexually fulfill a man who wants to sleep with other men. A married man might love his wife, but the sexual love a wife is craving from her husband does not exist the way she wants or believes it should exist especially if this type of infidelity occurs after the coupled exchanged wedding vows to be married. There are always signs of men who have a sexual attraction for another man. However, you have to open your eyes and find out who your spouse truly is before you enter into marriage.
Attributes of Counseling Before Marriage
One way to discover whether your significant partner is ready to be married is to participate in marriage counseling. In essence, you are treating your marriage as a long term investment and gathering as much information about your spouse before you enter into marriage. As illustrated above, love has many meanings and people marry for different reasons. Just because someone says “I love you” is not all you need to know to venture into marriage. What a man and woman need to find out from each other is what type of love exists and is it reciprocally felt. If your potential spouse only feels an admiration for you and you feel romantic love for that person, then you need to find this out before you venture into marriage and not get married to the person. Also, what are the reasons why the man and woman are getting married and is it reciprocal. If your potential spouse wants to get married to obtain citizenship and you want to get married public declaration of love, then you need to find this out before you venture into marriage and not get married to this person.
Ideally, married couples expect their spouses to solely want them only. They believe their spouse will be the complement human being to help fulfill their needs mentally, physically, spiritually, and emotionally. No one is perfect, but the union of a man and woman is expected to be one that works to perfection as seen in God’s light. When married men cheat on the down low, there is an erotic and sexual attraction for people of the same sex that their wife can’t fulfill. A potential spouse needs to know this before hand and not marry the individual especially if they seek their spouse to solely want them only.
Effective marriage counseling will be able to discover the compatibility of the couple. Marriage counseling should emphasize substance over form. The counseling should explore the type of love that exists and if it is reciprocally felt. Also, marriage counseling should explore the reasons why each person wants to marry and whether it is reciprocal. Furthermore, there is nothing wrong with doing an extensive background check on people before getting married. When you choose to marry someone, you are making a societal and private contract that this individual is someone you will honor and cherish, to have and to hold, until death do you part. With any type of long term investment, you need to know what you are getting into. This is not to say that marriages will not have problems, but if you choose someone to be married to you, you are making a long term investment in that individual expecting that the good will outweigh the bad. Know what you are getting into so you canminimize suffering betrayals like having married men cheat on the down low.
Legal Disclaimer: This site provides information about the law designed to keep readers informed of pertinent legal matters affecting the African-American community. But legal information is not the same as legal advice -- the application of law to an individual's specific circumstances. Although we go to great lengths to make sure our information is accurate and useful, we recommend you consult a lawyer in your specific location if you want professional assurance that our information, and your interpretation of it, is appropriate to your particular situation.
George Obama, the half-brother of U.S. President Barack Obama, has been arrested by Kenyan police on a charge of possession of marijuana, police said Saturday.
George Obama was arrested in Kenya on a charge for possession of marijuana, according to police.
Inspector Augustine Mutembei, the officer in charge, said Obama was arrested on charges of possession of cannabis, known in Kenya as Bhang, and resisting arrest. He is scheduled to appear in court Monday, Mutembei said.
He is being held at Huruma police post in the capital of Nairobi.
Speaking from behind bars, Obama denied the allegations.
"They took me from my home," he said, "I don't know why they are charging me."
George Obama and the president barely know each other, though they have met. George Obama was one of the president's few close relatives who did not go to the inauguration in Washington last week.
In his memoir, "Dreams from My Father," Barack Obama describes meeting George as a "painful affair." Barack Obama's trip to Kenya meant meeting family he had never known.
McKenzie tracked down George Obama in August and found him at a small house in Huruma, a Nairobi slum, where he lives with his mother's extended family. His birth certificate shows that he is Barack Obama's half-brother.
The two men share a Kenyan father. In the memoir, Barack Obama struggles to reconcile with his father after he left him and his mother when he was just a child.
Barack Obama Sr. died in a car accident when George was just 6 months old. Like his half-brother, George hardly knew his father.
By Dr. Boyce Watkins http://www.boycewatkins.com/ I hate being the doctor who has to tell the patient he has cancer, but the truth usually sets you free (or so my mother told me): We are in the midst of an economic bloodbath. It’s tough to argue that an economy which shrinks by an annualized rate of 5% is still healthy. It’s hard to tell someone that 7.2% unemployment, with the most job losses since 1945, is a good thing. A 4,000 point drop in the Dow is nothing to sneeze at, even if you have plenty of tissue. Times are tough, we know that.
But if we focus hard enough, we might be able to find a few bright sides to all this. With hopes that no one chooses to kill the messenger, I am going to give it a shot.
1) It could always be much worse. The United States has, according to some, the strongest economy in the world. Our economy could shrink like Rush Limbaugh’s body on drugs and still be disgustingly rich compared to the rest of the world. Don’t believe me? Consider the “fast-growing” Chinese economy, the one that everyone thinks is going to outpace the United States in the next few years. Our annual tax revenues are nearly 4 times greater than China’s ($2.5 Trillion vs. $670 Billion) and they have over 4 times more people than we do (300 million vs. 1.3 Billion). In other words, our per capita tax receipts are over 16 times greater than China’s. So, we’re far better off than most of the world, even when we’re broke.
2) If there were ever an argument for getting out of Iraq, this might be it. It’s hard to declare war on random countries if you don’t have the money to do it. War is big business and attacking other countries is a huge financial investment. If you don’t think war is about money, then you may want to take a couple of Political Science and History classes. Perhaps these troubles at home will keep us from creating trouble abroad, since Americans have lost patience with irresponsible, arrogant war-mongering. The Obama stimulus plan is asking for over $800 Billion dollars to boost our economy. We’ve already spent nearly $600 Billion in Iraq. Rather than declaring War on Terror, President Obama has declared War on the Recession, which seems to be a far better investment.
3) If you want to buy cheap stocks or real estate, this is the time to do it. When the market rises, everyone wants to buy stocks. People forget that you shouldn’t buy stocks when prices are high, you buy when the prices are low. Companies with plenty of cash are grabbing investment and real estate bargains that were hardly available a year ago. You should be doing the same if you can afford to do it. Investors who purchases stocks after major market declines tend to do much better than those who buy during booms. You hear me Warren Buffet?
4) Struggle makes us FOCUSED. Although I tend to be a hardcore capitalist, a part of me misses the activism of the 1960s, when people cared about more than making a dollar. OK, I wasn’t around in the 1960s, but I’ve watched enough old movies. Going through tough times not only teaches one to pursue a higher purpose in life, it also leads individuals to more carefully scrutinize the state of affairs in our government. In fact, I dare to argue that the financial crisis was just what Barack Obama needed to secure his election over John McCain. Economic prosperity allows us the luxury of choosing our politicians based on silly issues, like gay marriage (as we did in 2004). When we are worried about putting food on the table, we look beyond the silliness and choose the most qualified and most intelligent person for the job (after ensuring that he knows Africa really is a continent). Finally, tough economic times make you more responsible in your own money management, as the threat of financial insecurity keeps us all on high alert.
Those are my points, so again, please don’t kill the messenger. I certainly do not celebrate a weak economy, but I am a firm believer that focusing too much on the door that shuts keeps us from appreciating the ones that just opened. There’s always light at the end of the tunnel, a pot of gold at the end of every rainbow, and….well, you get the point. It’s the toughness of tough times that make the good times good. Keep hanging in there, it’ll be ok.
Dr. Boyce Watkins is a Finance Professor at Syracuse University and author of “Financial Lovemaking 101: Merging Assets with Your Partner in ways that Feel Good.” For more information, please visit http://www.boycewatkins.com/.
The country tumbled deeper into recession and probably logged its worst economic performance in a quarter-century during the final three months of last year as battered consumers and businesses throttled back spending.
The U.S. economy is deteriorating at an alarming clip as the housing, credit and financial crises — the worst since the 1930s — feed on each other in a vicious cycle that has proven difficult for Washington policymakers to break.
The Commerce Department is set to release a report Friday expected to show the economy shrank at a pace of 5.4 percent in the October-December period, a much faster descent than the 0.5 percent decline logged in the prior quarter. If economists’ forecasts are correct, it would mark the weakest quarterly showing since an annualized drop of 6.4 percent in the first quarter of 1982, when the country was suffering through a severe recession.
Interview with Princeton Professor and acclaimed scholar, Dr. Cornel West, by Tolu Olorunda.
He is, perhaps, the most well-known public scholar the universe has to offer. Alongside that, Dr. Cornel West has also been celebrated as, America's leading public intellectual. Judging from his scholarly work, dedication, perseverance, intellectual curiosity and diligence, one can certainly confirm the role he plays as a distinct leader of his peers. Dr. West has continuously proved to be a multi-generational force for good. Through the publication of books, Hip-Hop albums and television specials aimed at young adults, Dr. Cornel West has impacted and transformed a whole generation of love-starved and directionless people. His wit notwithstanding, Dr. West's ability to interpret the harsh conditions of the financially-disempowered is parallel to none. I had the distinguished pleasure of engaging in dialogue with this esteemed scholar on a wide swath of issues affecting our daily lives. I spoke with him on issues including, the presidential campaign of Sen. Obama, Gen. Colin Powell’s endorsement, the role of progressives in an Obama administration, "Hope on a Tightrope," Hip-Hop, the next generation of Black public intellectuals, and much more:
Thanks for joining us. What has Dr. West been up to lately?
Oh, I’ve been on the moon. I did 15 events for Brother Obama in Ohio, this past weekend. I did 12, the weekend before that. I’ve been to Seattle, Alabama; teaching full time. I’m blessed though, brother.
How does it feel being a surrogate for Sen. Obama's historic presidential run?
Well, it’s a good thing, because in the end, it’s really about empowering everyday people, and he’s a major vehicle for that. He’s got some genius and inspiring people that give him a sense of possibility and hope. So, it’s a beautiful thing. But there’s always a tension there because I still got to speak my mind. So, I got my criticisms of the brother; but the most important thing to do, is a full-court press to get people out to vote, and to make sure that we contribute to this democratic awakening that’s taking place. This greed out here is running amok, man.
On the subject of greed; you've often talked about the melting of the Ice-Age. Do you feel the Democratic platform addresses poverty in a substantive fashion?
Well, it doesn’t address it as much as I would like. It opens the door, and acknowledges the fact that we need to start focusing on poor people, but it doesn’t hit the issue of poor people directly in the way that I would like. But at the same time, because it’s moving in that direction, I move with them – in order to bring pressure and power to bare, and hope that they would move with me in a substantive way. So, I’m never really satisfied with the Democratic platform – they’ve had a history of spinelessness and complicity toward injustice – but, on the other hand, because it’s so much better than McCain and the Republicans – and certainly, Brother Barack is so much better – I’m trying to get him into the White House and then deploy a vision and power on behalf of everyday people.
You know Sen. Obama personally. Has he met your standard of courage in matters concerning Muslims, the Black Community and War/Peace?
He’s met it enough for me to support him, but he hasn’t met it enough for me not to criticize him. It’s an area in between where, right now in the middle of an election, I do all that I can – putting in 16 hours a day without eating – to get him elected. But at the same time, I also know that he’s not Jesus. He’s not a Messiah or nothing. He’s a human being; a cracked vessel trying to do the best that he can.
What roles do progressives play in an Obama presidency; and what strategy do you suggest is best for success?
He’s only as strong as we are. I think that we have to be honest, diligent and candid about our focus on working and poor people. We have to talk strongly about public spending directly for education, quality jobs, health care, child care, infrastructure, bridges/roads, and home foreclosure. In that regard, we have to be willing to criticize him in order to make him stronger, and push him in a progressive direction. He’s not in a static position. He can be pushed.
Dr. West, one of your most famous blurbs is: "You can't lead people if you don't love them and you can't save people if you don't serve them." In your assessment, do you believe Sen. Obama has exhibited an encouraging amount of love and willingness for servitude?
I think so; definitely. As a presidential candidate, he’s got to be prudent. So he tends, for example, to focus on White moderates and independents. Why? Because he wants to win the election. So, in that regard, his willingness to love and serve is always under the framework of presidential politics. But I think that deep down he’s got a profound love and a sense of service. You see that, for example, in him being a community organizer instead of going to Wall Street, and some of his policies in the Illinois State house. And really, you can’t downplay the role of Sister Michelle Obama and those two precious girls [Malia and Sasha]. As Sly Stone said, it’s a family affair. When you talk about someone who is sharing a life with such a high quality person as Michelle Obama, that is very important – and it makes me feel good.
What’s your take on Colin Powell’s endorsement of Sen. Obama?
Courageous, eloquent, crucial; and I think it’s the last nail in the coffin of Republican/Conservative/Right Wing rule.
How critical is the concept of holding "President Obama" accountable; and what steps can be taken at this point to guarantee a desirable outcome?
Brother Tavis [Smiley] has been pushing this issue of accountability for a very long time, and was courageous to do it. In the end, this is not about any one person, or any one office. It’s about keeping everyone accountable. It’s about trying to gain Barack Obama access to the presidency, but keeping him accountable; because if we don’t have the kind of progressive policies that allow the empowerment of everyday people and working/poor people, we’re going to fly down the slope to chaos. Democracy cannot be sustained over a long period of time when there’s so much greed at the top, and the politics of fear is at play.
It’s mainly that we are living in a moment where the American civilization is wavering, the American empire is wobbling, the culture is in decay, people are hungry and thirsty for vision, and we need some hope; but that hope is on a tight rope because we’re in a state of emergency. The first chapter of the book is: State of Emergency – a sense of urgency. Now, my view is that we were in a state of emergency many years ago – when people didn’t recognize. When you look at the dilapidated housing crisis, disgraceful school systems, unavailability of health care/child care, not enough jobs for living wage – that’s already a state of emergency for many brothers and sisters of all colors. But now that Wall Street has collapsed, it’s an indisputable, undeniable state of emergency across the board. But we need to sustain our hope on a tight rope, with a sense of grace and cool in the face of catastrophe – in order to empower everyday people.
Earlier in the campaign, Michelle Obama expressed some pride that "hope is making a comeback." Do you share similar sentiments, and what must we then do to sustain its balance?
Sister Michelle Obama is absolutely right. Keep in mind that hope is pitted against fear. For so long, people have been fearful. Hope is making a comeback, in part, because of Brother Obama’s brilliance, genius and charisma. He’s generating a sense of hope, but we’re still on that slippery tight rope, and we’ve got to be really courageous, bold and determined. We’ve got to have fortitude to help other people, and serve other people.
In light of Mrs. Obama's remarks, we have a financial meltdown that promises escalating despondency. To paraphrase Melle Mel, how does the Black Community keep from ‘losing its head’?
That’s a deep question. One thing we’ve got to realize is that, we’ve dealt with catastrophe before. We are a blues people, and the blues is: An autobiographical chronicle of a personal catastrophe expressed lyrically. But it’s always with a sense of grace and cool. And the country now has the blues. They either learn something from a blues people, or lose their democracy.
Do you believe we will survive this storm?
Well, it all depends on how much courage, vision and service we have. We might not survive it, because if greed, indifference, and fear continue, and McCain wins, there’s a good chance that we’re not going to survive it. But in the face of greed, we need justice; in the face of indifference, we need compassion; and in the face of fear, we need hope. That’s what Brother Obama represents.
Dr. West, there's a new class of Black public intellectuals - Eddie Glaude, Boyce Watkins, Marc Lamont hill - coming up. How confident are you that they can help raise the banner of truth and justice even higher?
Oh, I’m sure they will. We’ve got some serious young folks coming up. We’ve got Brother Tavis [Smiley], Bakari Kitwana, and a lot more. I’m impressed by a lot of the young brothers and sisters coming up. I’m satisfied that they’re going to surpass me; and that’s the reason I’m strong – to make them even stronger. They’re stepping forth with grace and dignity.
Your new Hip-Hop album, “Never Forget: A Journey of Revelations,” hit shelves earlier this year. What is your message to the younger generation; and why did you decide to use Hip-Hop as the avenue to facilitate that message?
Well, Hip-Hop is the universal language of youth culture. I was in Egypt, Belgium and Brazil; I walked into the clubs, and it was all Hip-Hop. So, because I’m an educator, I can write books and present a textual education, but with the CD, I can present a danceable education. I’m just trying to educate, and be educated. But most importantly, it’s just a matter of loving young folks and respecting them enough to learn from them. So it becomes a matter of reciprocity and mutuality in our awakening, and consciousness-raising. That’s what that CD is about. So you bring in artists like Prince, Andre 3000, Gerald Levert, Talib Kweli, KRS-One and Jill Scott – they are part and parcel of the conversation on the danceable education album.
On the subject of Hip-Hop, how can the present generation reshape and retake the culture, in a way that it represents, once again, a force for good, enlightenment and empowerment?
I think that one has to, first, support those crucial voices within Hip-Hop who are trying to take it to a new level. So, when Brother Lupe Fiasco talks about ‘the cool,’ you know, in fact, that he’s reflecting on a level of Hip-Hop artistry that goes beyond the dominant everyday perspectives. The same is true for Nas, with the “Untitled,” album. And there’s a whole host of others out there who need our support. I was just in the studio with Rhymefest for El Che. It’s a matter of acknowledging that we really do have voices in Hip-Hop, of the younger generation, that we need to be supporting. When you listen to Game and Lil’ Wayne talking about “My Life,” you’re moved, man. It’s coming from the soul. I love Lil’ Wayne’s dedication to his craft. He’s got to be the hardest working brother in Hip-Hop – just like my hero, James Brown. I try to be the hardest working man in the academy.
Lastly Dr. West; what message do you hope the general public grasps unto at this transitional moment in our earthly experience?
I think, at this particular moment, we need a strong democratic awakening that tries to push back the greed, indifference and fear. The first step is to try to get Brother Barack in the White House. The second step is to put pressure on him – so that he can engage in some of this public spending directly to the people and they can have access to health care, child care and jobs with a living wage. We need to get these home-owners to stay in their homes, so that these bankruptcy courts can re-adjust the mortgage. And we need a stimulus plan to get the economy running again. That’s the beginning of turning things around, so we don’t have a system tied only to the strong, but one that takes seriously the plight of the weak. So, it’s not just for the rich, but for the many.
Thanks for the time, Dr. West.
Watch Dr. Cornel West In Action:
This interview was conducted by Tolu Olorunda, Staff Writer for YourBlackWorld.com
